The Top 4 Most Obscene Products Banned On Amazon.

People just love pushing the limits of what they can sell on Amazon. We’ve seen it all: endangered animals, artillery, radioactive waste. We even have a section dedicated to such absurd crap.

It’s probably for the best, but many of these items never ended up making it to our WEIRD CATALOG. This was not only because the listings had already been taken down, but mostly because we refuse to support such bullshit. And that’s coming from us, who make a living off selling stupid crap.

Anyway, we thought it would be a shame to not let you in on what some of these banned products on Amazon were, so we’re chucking the very best ones here.

Brace yourselves, some of these products banned on Amazon are just messed up.

#1: Whale meat

*Is that hunger? Or is that your insides raging up in absolute horror that such a product exists?*

Unsurprisingly, Japan makes a strong appearance on this list. Though this time it’s not for the likes of comical and innocent chindogu-style ‘Scream Absorbant Jars’ or ‘Indoor Head Tents’. It’s a much sadder state of affairs: yup, whale meat.

Japan has been a known culprit of whaling for some time now, although a lot of it still goes unreported internationally.

This one company just did not give two flying fucks and thought it would be a great idea to start selling whale meat products on Amazon Japan.

Environmental groups were quick to kick up a fuss, and succeeded in getting Amazon to remove the sale of all whale meat products. A total of 147 whale products were discovered for sale on Amazon, including whale bacon, whale jerky and canned whale meat.

#2: ‘The Pedophile’s Guide To Love & Pleasure’ E-book

*With almost 3,000 1-star reviews, the book also makes Amazon’s hall of shame for worst review ratings of all time*

Upon discovery of this book, I was met with a slurry of emotions. Confusion, anger, repulsion and abject horror. Due to the nature of the subject material, it was hard to bring myself to even type the string of words into Google so I could research this abhorrent sounding book.

However, in the name of journalism — I pressed on, and dug deeper into what the hell this book was about.

In the words of the author, the book is:

“an attempt to make pedophile situations safer for those juveniles that find themselves involved in them, by establishing certian [sic] rules for these adults to follow. I hope to achieve this by appealing to the better nature of pedosexuals, with hope that their doing so will result in less hatred and perhaps liter [sic] sentences should they ever be caught.”

Yeah, personally I don’t buy it but go ahead and make what you will of that explanation.

Despite the highly controversial nature of the content, the book actually remained on Amazon for quite some time, as it was not breaking any explicit rules or conditions set out in Amazon’s terms and services.

The book opened up a can of worms into the politics of ‘censorship’, and whether or not stores should be allowed to sell books that contain ‘objectionable’ material. The argument for the book is that buyers are not forced to purchase it, and that to censor an author would be a violation of human rights itself.

On the other side of the fence, the book was met with arguments that the book could normalize pedophilic behaviour and thus be a threat to society.

Whatever side of the argument you might take, the book appears to be well and truly gone — banned from Amazon. Somehow I don’t think many will miss it.

#3: Gun-Shaped Phone Case

*It’s all fun and games until someone gets a colt .45 bullet in the back of their skulls*

In this instance, I’m really not sure who takes home ‘The Biggest Idiot’ award: the company who invented this, or those who are buying it.

Plain, common-sense is truly a gift that more people should experience, and the gun-shaped phone cases proves that we are fast approaching the inevitable promotion of becoming the dumbest species on Earth.

Next time you’re in the market for a cute and inexpensive gift, please apply proper common sense to avoid getting shot in the back of the head by accident. Thanks.

#4: Nazi-related Merchandise

*”Hitler ended up in a ditch covered in petrol on fire… so, that’s fun. I think that’s funny. Because he was a mass-murdering fuck-head.” – Eddie Izzard*

If you’re a Nazi scumbag, Amazon was the place for you. At least, this was up until Jeff Bezos and his team copped a whole load of flack online.

You name it: Nazi flags, youth knives, running shoes — they were all available from Amazon’s USA and Canadian web stores once upon a time.

So what led to them being taken down? Well, a local hero by the name of Mark Schwartz (holocaust survivor) said he was shocked and appalled to discover Nazi memorabilia being sold on Amazon as he casually browsed the site.

Fashion for fuckheads.

He took it upon himself to write into Amazon’s customer support who agreed to forward his concerns over to the appropriate department.

A few weeks later, he began receiving emails of “Recommended Products” he’d be interested in from Amazon, which included Nazi shoes and that same stupid flag he saw initially. Possibly the biggest marketing automation fail I’ve ever heard of, that’s for sure. Safe to say, it didn’t go down too well.

He then contacted a service called Go Public, who launched an investigation into the Nazi paraphernalia being sold on Amazon. Schwartz also campaigned his own boycotting of Amazon, which received snowball momentum in the media. After Go Public’s investigation concluded, the Nazi products were fortunately banned on Amazon. Good riddance.